A Right Relationship with Authority

Originally written 11-11-2004

The Bible says in Romans 13:1-5, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God's minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience' sake.” (NKJV) So we should submit to authority both for our own well-being, and simply because it is the RIGHT thing to do.

As we saw in Romans 13, those in authority are God’s ministers to bring about good for those who do good and to bring God’s wrath on those who do evil. We as Christians, are expected to submit or to “be subject” to authority, because all authority is appointed and ordained by God Himself. The authority spoken of in this passage is that of the state; those responsible for establishing and enforcing the laws of the land. There may come a time when it is necessary to break man’s law in order to fulfill God‘s will, such as when Daniel and his friends disobeyed the laws of their government in order to fulfill the laws of God, but there really is no other justification for disobeying the governing authorities. Probably not even to get to church on time.

So let’s talk for a moment about what it means to be subject, or to submit. The American Heritage Dictionary says that to submit is “to yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.”(1)

Rick Warren, in his widely circulated book, The Purpose Driven Life, captures the response we often have to the idea of surrender. He says, “Surrender evokes the unpleasant images of admitting defeat in battle, forfeiting a game, or yielding to a stronger opponent.” He continues, “We would rather talk about winning, succeeding, overcoming, and conquering than yielding, submitting, obeying, and surrendering.” (p. 77) Our will is at stake here; we are by nature self-serving and self-preserving. Why would we want to give up our autonomy, the control over our own lives? Because surrender is the key that opens the door to God’s favor, and without it, His blessings of protection and provision are limited or withheld completely. Since God ordained all other authority, when we submit to that authority out of obedience to God, it is really God to whom we are surrendering, and as Rick Warren states, “Surrendering to God is the heart of worship.”

Implicit in the concept of surrender and submission is obedience. Without obedience, there is no real submission. In fact, disobedience is rebellion. It seems elementary, but I wanted to develop this idea thoroughly before we move on, because we’re going to build on it later.

I want to say briefly here also, so that God receives the glory even for our surrender, that it is God Himself who enables us to surrender to Him. Ephesians 1:3-5 says, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons [or daughters, as the case may be] by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved” (my emphasis).

So now that we have stated that God is our ultimate authority and that our submission to the authorities He established is essential and beneficial, and we’ve covered the fact that our government exists to protect us and to execute God’s justice, let’s look now at some of the other authority figures God has set into place in our lives.

We’ll start with parents, and specifically fathers. It has been said that our relationship with our earthly father determines how we perceive our heavenly Father. (3) I can’t give you chapter and verse on that, but it does seem to hold true. Those who have had a strong, loving father figure present in their lives tend to view God as a benevolent, loving and forgiving God, whereas those who have had a distant or dysfunctional relationship with their fathers tend to see God as harsh, distant or unloving. It can be difficult to overcome these preconceived ideas we have about God, but we must learn to trust the Bible to give us an accurate picture of His character, and let ourselves be transformed by the renewing of our minds as we meditate on His word.

It is very likely that at least some of us may not have had ideal relationships with our parents, and so submission to these authority figures may not have been or be an easy thing to do. In fact, submission isn’t easy, even when our authorities are benevolent, simply because we often want to govern ourselves. However, as we look at God’s commands to honor our parents, we see a blessing that accompanies our obedience: long life, or preservation. Earlier I mentioned that we are by nature self-preserving. It would seem logical then, to submit to our parents’ authority for the sake of preserving our lives, but when we’re young, we don’t often consider the long-term consequences of our actions. Yet if we can trust that God really does have our best interests in mind, we can more easily obey Him, even when His commands don’t seem to make sense to us. We can build our faith in His love for us by staying grounded in the Word, reading the Bible every day and asking God to help us to apply His word to our lives. “For faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God,” according to Romans 10:17.

Now, granted, some of us are no longer living under our parents’ roof; in fact, some may have parents who have passed away. We can still apply the principle of honoring our parents by showing respect for them, even if we are no longer living with them. For example, we can speak kindly to them even when we disagree and are no longer under obligation to obey them. We can and I believe the Bible teaches that we should, care for them when they are older and unable to care for themselves. Some would dispute just how obligated we are; whether or not nursing homes are a good idea and so on…that’s open for the leading of the Holy Spirit in my limited understanding, but at the very least, we are to make a provision for their care, according to I Tim. 5:8, which says, “ But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” Another way to honor our parents is to speak well of them to others, even if they‘re not around anymore. Even deeper than this is to actually have a good attitude about them, despite their frailties. As Prov. 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins.” Parents are not perfect people; we can probably all think of something about ourselves we’d like to blame our parents for, and while it is true that our environment does play a role in shaping who we are, we are not bound to our past, especially if we are living in the forgiveness of Christ. 

According to II Cor. 5:17, “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” Harboring resentment toward our parents robs us of the blessings of forgiveness, both because of the bitterness we continue to feel and more importantly, because our unforgiveness toward others seals off God’s forgiveness toward us. As it says in the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” What a dreadful thing it would be for us to be denied God’s forgiveness because of our bitterness and resentment toward another, whether it‘s our parents, another relative, a friend or an enemy. Rom. 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”

Well, let’s look now at another authority figure God would have us submit to. This is a very unpopular topic, and it may seem at first not to apply to some here, but as we find it in God’s word, it is worthy of study. In both Eph. 5:22 and in Col. 3:18, we are told, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:23 continues, “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” If you’re like me, your initial reaction is, “Ugh!“ But before I ever met my husband, the Lord made this principle very clear to me. I didn’t like it; it didn’t sound fun to me; I have never appreciated being told what to do; I have a mind of my own, thank you…however, by grace, I trusted that if God wanted me to submit to my husband, He would bless me with a VERRRRRRY special man. He’d have to be spectacular for me to be able to set aside my own will, amen? But that is God’s design for marriage. We need to come to terms with the fact that God made Adam first, and then he made Eve for Adam. She was his helper, not the other way around, although there are definitely some benefits to be gained through our obedience. Peace, above all. So young ladies, don’t ever settle on a man you don’t trust enough to obey. If you do, you might just regret it for the rest of your life. As for those who are married, we are all probably at varying degrees of struggling with this issue, although some simply refuse to accept the idea of submission at all. If you’ve got it down and it’s a piece of cake for you, we need to talk!

Since I began preparing this message, I have seen God do some very interesting things in this area in our home. I discovered recently that I am so belligerent I will argue for a good, solid 30 minutes about whether or not the dish soap should be put under the sink when we’re done with it. But you know what? I think God wants me to see that sometimes it’s okay to be wrong, even if I’m right. You know, for the sake of peace, just go ahead and swallow that last word I always want to get out there. My husband and I could have gone to absolute war over the color he wanted to paint our house a couple of years ago. I told him I didn’t like the color he picked; in fact, I think I said “anything but that” but he went ahead and painted the house with it anyway. I bit my tongue really hard, so to speak. I figured peace was more important than paint, and do you know, he decided he didn’t like it either? He repainted the whole house a different color; one that didn’t make me cringe. Then I had to fight the temptation to say, “I told you so.” I’m not so sure I did too well with that. I know I’ve brought it up at least once. But I remember that I didn’t let the color of the paint interfere with our relationship, and I would do really well to keep remembering that.

Young ladies, that special man God may have lined up for you is human, and no matter how wonderful you may think he is before you marry him, once you’re hitched, you will see all his faults. Be prepared for that rude awakening by understanding now that love is a choice, not a feeling. That soupy, syrupy, giddy feeling is a lot of fun but it’s an emotion, and emotions CHANGE. If you base your relationship on your feelings, you’ll be divorced in a heartbeat. My first year of marriage was not marital bliss; it was marital blisters. Even though I had a solid understanding that I was to submit to my husband, I resisted his will constantly…ok, I still do, I just come around faster now. My way is always better…until I give in and then, what do you know, the man has sense! (At least, sometimes.) And even when he doesn’t, at least there is peace between us. The biggest consolation the Bible offers us in regard to submission to our husbands is that in the same passage in Ephesians 5:25-33, husbands have a command from the Lord as well. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." (My emphasis) This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” So, see…he has to love me at least as much as he loves himself, and he’s supposed to nourish and cherish me, so I don’t have it so bad. And God can sort it all out if he’s not doing what he should.

Another very important factor which applies to friendship as well as marriage can be found in II Cor. 6:14, which says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?” For the unmarried, this is the most important thing to remember when you’re interested in a guy. No matter what other good qualities he may have, if you’re a Christian and he’s not, your relationship will never bring the satisfaction and fulfillment the Lord would have you experience, unless by His grace and mercy, he comes to know the Lord too. If Jesus is central in your life, He should be central in your husband’s life so that you can build your marriage on that firm foundation. If you‘re already married to an unbeliever, you are under no condemnation; your marriage vow is binding, but you probably see the wisdom of this admonition firsthand. Even friendships with unbelievers can do more damage to your faith than you can do good for theirs. Jesus called us to be separate from the world. To live in the world but not to be of the world. There is nothing like the wrong friends to sabotage a Christian’s walk with God. I Cor. 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits.” Share your faith with others, but don’t become like them just to gain the opportunity to share the gospel, and don’t compromise your principles so that people will like you more. You’re accountable to God for what you do, and you will answer to Him for how you deal with people. The central verse in the whole Bible is Prov. 118:8, which says, “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.”

Another very important principle which applies to friendship, marriage and also family relationships is found in Eph. 4:26 & 27. “"Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Now there are a couple of things in this verse to look at. The first is “be angry and do not sin.” The implication here is that you can be angry without sinning. Jesus was angry when he drove the moneychangers out of the temple. They were robbing God’s people and making them dread going to worship the Lord. This was righteous indignation, not selfish, prideful rage. In the same way, we may be righteously indignant toward an offense that flies in the face of God. It’s okay for parents to be irked when their children disobey, but how they handle their anger is the issue here. To discipline a child, even with what the Bible calls the “rod,” can be a good thing if the motivation for it is love, but many times, parents find it difficult to separate their emotions from their disciplinary actions, and this can produce a fearful child, but not necessarily a wise one. If discipline is administered without violence, with a calm explanation of the logical consequences for disobedience, and followed by a reassurance of the parent’s love for the child, the very need for discipline becomes much less frequent because the child is more likely to respond favorably to it. Let me say here that there was a time when I didn’t know this, and that made it difficult to live by it. Now, knowing and understanding this principle has helped me to be a better parent, but I’ll be the first to admit that I have not arrived. My biggest struggle is to keep my emotions out of the way of rational discipline. Prov. 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” It doesn’t say, “Yell at a child,” or even “nag a child;” it says, “train up a child,” and this implies consistent redirection and predictable consequences for behavior.

The second part of the verse about anger, which we can apply to all of our relationships is “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” If you go to bed angry, you’ll either wake up angry or you’ll have stored away some resentment to pull out later, and if you go to bed angry often, you probably have a lot of bitterness choking out the word of God and making it unfruitful in your life. Remember, love is a choice, and forgiveness is a byproduct of love. We must resolve to see people through God’s eyes; seeing through their tough exteriors and discerning the pain they may be experiencing which might be behind their hurting words and actions toward us. As we remember what a great debt we ourselves have been forgiven of by our Lord, it becomes much more difficult to harbor resentment toward others.

Well, we’ve looked now at surrendering to God by submitting to the governing authorities, to our parents, and to our husbands, and how we should handle the role of authority ourselves. Let’s look at one final verse about submission in the Word of God. I Peter 5:5-7 says, “Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." (my emphasis) Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” Here we see that younger people are to respect those with more life experience; in fact, they are encouraged to follow their advice. But the next part, “all of you be submissive to one another” has an even more thought-provoking message. We are to interact with one another as though we are each other’s servants. We should constantly be attentive to the needs of those around us, looking for ways to help and show God’s love, to encourage one another in our faith, and to pray for one another. Our Christian friends are such a blessing from God; they are our very brothers and sisters in Christ, and we can be a blessing in God’s hands to them, as well. We simply need to be available for His use, as a tool or an instrument in His hand, remembering that it is He who receives the glory for anything good that comes out of our lives.

Finally, let’s look at Mark 12:30-31. Jesus said, “"The first of all the commandments is: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." As we submit to Jesus in obedience to these two great commands, we will experience a renewal of our relationship with Him, and with those around us. Let us surrender all to Jesus, and heed the words of Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” I pray that each of you will be inspired to walk in His perfect will, that He might be glorified in your lives.


End Notes
1. The American Heritage Dictionary http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/
2. The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Copyright 2002, Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI.
3. Source unknown

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.